finally

here’s a post again, thanks to globe tattoo’s supersurf50. :)

i’m now on day42 of my summer break and so far, i’m back to the old me with 0 productivity. oh well, it’s summer anyway.

hello tumblr!i missed you :) sorry for this nonsense post. :)

1 year ago  /  0 notes

struggling

After an aborted first attempt to come up with a successful Labing-Apat Magtatapat-tapat na Naman, we were finally able to push through this evening. It was an enjoyable night, to say the least. As one of the sports commissioner, it was a rewarding experience for me to see the participants enjoy and root for their teams. All our efforts paid off. I am very grateful to all those who attended despite our busy schedule.

But this blog is not about my gratitude. I’ll save more of the thank-you’s for another blog.

I have always been very vocal of my pathologic tendency to expect a lot from people, most especially from my friends. Despite my countless attempts to handle things maturely, I sometimes find my efforts futile. Tonight was no exception.

It’s really sad that for tonight, my thank-you’s were outnumbered by my why did he not go? The worse thing is, I hastily judged the people who did not go just because they were studying for an exam next week. It’s a struggle because I am in no position to judge people based on their priorities. If they want to study, they can study. Who am I to force people what to do?

But what about the people who, given the same circumstances, chose to attend for the sake of our class spirit? Also, I am more disappointed with my friends who I expected to show up. Organizing the event really meant a lot to me so it frustrates me that some of my friends didn’t go for reasons, although valid, I cannot accept. Sana pumunta man lang sila para sakin. Oh well, it’s the Mervyn with so many expectations writing here.

Here’s to hoping that the next time I help organize an event, I find it in my heart to be more thankful than frustrated. Oh well, I just have to let this go.

Lord,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

1 year ago  /  2 notes

to the man in the mirror

What are you doing?

Pwede ka ba batukan?

Always remember that there are deadlines.

Act before it’s too late.

1 year ago  /  1 note

looseness of association

When Laureen and the priest who heard my confession advised me ‘not to be too hard on myself’, I took their advice stubbornly. Since Monday last week, I have been attending only the afternoon classes because I have been waking up at 12nn (which means I have been having n days of 11-hr sleep.) My concept of change means going to school on time, not sleeping during lectures, study days before an exam without relying too much on scotts, but because I took Lau and the priest’s advice to heart, not being too hard on myself meant waking up whenever I want to. Ako na ang pilosopo. Pero kasi, nakakatamad. Ugh. Thus, this is me now. I am clueless about what we’ve been discussing in Psych. To add to this, I am too full of myself. Kahit naman di ako pumasok at mag-aral, papasa naman ako eh. Eh kasi nga, Psych lang to (evil laugh). Genuine change, will we ever meet?

We My alphamates had our their psych ward work today. While they were busy with the history-taking and physical exam, I was busy observing the patients in Ward 7. I was too disinterested with our ward work. Kasi nga tinatamad ako eh. To rid myself of the guilt from not helping, I busied myself with thoughts of empathizing with the psych patients, to no avail. Then, I was worried at the thought of me not maximizing my patient encounters, only to be consoled by the fact that I’ll be having more of those next year. Ugh, why am I so good at fooling myself?

My latest status in FB reads: There are some people who are just not worth your trust no matter how hard you convince yourself they are. I have a different realization today. There are some people who you just can’t trust, period. There are people who are really not worth trying. And I can’t even explain to myself why. Oh well, cryptogenic unkown. Hahaha.

I was hoping to diagnose my personality disorder based on Dr. Balderrama’s lecture this afternoon. Fortunately or unfortunately, I just don’t meet the criteria in any of the discussed disorders. On one hand, I am fortunate because I don’t have to worry at the thought that something’s not right with my personality. On the other hand, it’s unfortunate because labels have their way of making things easier to deal with. I have always had this fear of getting attached to people. Whenever I find myself being too comfortable with a friend, I tend to distance myself. It’s one of my pathologies, actually. I always read beyond the lines, to my expense. I assume a lot. One moment I am close to you, the next moment I am unintelligible. Ugh. Immature.

Jason Alacapa, our next MSC chair told me thrice through text last Monday to ‘handle things maturely’. Thanks buddy! Ikaw na ang mature! (dapat talaga may sarcasm font).

1 year ago  /  1 note

a conversation

Roger: it’s really nice to share no? I can’t remember who told me this but sharing multiplies the joy and divides the sorrow.

Mervyn Sr. : Well, only if you share it with the right person.

1 year ago  /  3 notes